When we think of embers from a great fire we tend to have a sense of fear. There is an element of the unknown, because not only are we watching what a fire is destroying but we are holding our breaths anticipating where the sparks and embers will float to….what it will destroy or forever change —next. I used to feel this way, but as I have traveled through Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell the past two years I have begun to look at embers as quiet unpredictable magic. When you think about it embers can do one of two things: Start a new fire or softly, gracefully land somewhere on something and release the last of its glow, becoming part of the dust in the earth—contributing to the creation of something new. I have stopped waiting with baited breath for the next fire and have begun to associate the flakes of fire as the breadcrumbs I need to help me make it out of the Inferno, into to the Purgatorio….and eventually the Paradisum. Embers can indeed be life’s magic wand. The following is an example of how I’ve l earned to just sit back and watch where they will land—preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, and remaining ever present in each moment of my life.
I never went to my high school proms or to homecomings–-I always yearned to be asked in some special way like you see the kids do these days—the star quarterback planning how he is going to “pop the question” in a way that stands out in case there is competition….usually spelling out the word “Prom?” on a huge brick wall at the school or using rose petals to ask the question covering his girlfriend’s eyes with his hands as he guides her out to the backyard, her parents looking on with a mix of pride, tears and excitement….taking pictures, preserving memories. I never participated in those rituals—spending a full day at the spa getting hair and makeup done, mani’s pedi’s with best friends, taking photos they now share today….excitedly chit chatting, anticipating the nights events….or who would be crowned Homecoming King and Queen or Prom King and Queen. I admit–I looked on with envy *all the time* as the cheerleaders cautiously adjusted their court sashes over their freshly pressed uniforms before the assemblies and games, with such care you would think that the ribbon would fall apart if they tugged just a bit too hard. I thought those sashes were the blingiest things in the world back then and I would often close my eyes and pretend what it would be like to be on the arm of a handsome football player at halftime in my cheerleading uniform, participating in the Homecoming events….knowing there was a full night a parties ahead to attend and look stunning for.
About a month ago, I had the night that made up for the Homecomings, Proms and parties I missed out on. You see I was pretty overweight in junior high and a pretty mousy run of the mill wallflower in high school that really just blended into the brick walls most of the time rather than stand out. But on this night the star quarterback was MY date……for this night, HE chose Me. To say I felt exhilarated at the prospect of being out with this guy is to completely diminish how excited I was in the days proceeding the party Id be attending with him. I fretted over what to wear, my nails, how I’d wear my hair, what shade of lipstick I’d don that night in the hopes of getting that “WOW look” when he arrived to pick me up. When the day arrived I couldn’t have been higher in the stratosphere. Anaya insisted on doing my hair (I’ve never let her do it before), she inspected my outfit choices, told me what to do and what to say and what to absolutely avoid doing at all costs. Before I knew it nightfall had arrived and though I had intended to take a nap to appear all nice and rested that plan had been abandoned hours earlier in exchange for pacing around the mall to make sure I hadn’t missed “something better” to wear.
Then, there he was. Exquisitely beautiful, a voice that could bring a room full of women to their knees, a commanding yet gentle energy/presence…. As hard as I tried to hide them,I know I had stars in my eyes– as he reached out to hug me. He smelled more delicious than any guy should be allowed to and I felt lucky to have remained upright when I felt my knees give way —he had jolted awake every sense. I sat there in the passenger seat feeling thrilled…. wondering to myself how I was getting this second chance to live out those moments I missed out on at Cactus High School many years ago. So this is what it felt like……This was *the guy* and I was *that girl* and we were going to have *one of those nights* I knew I would never forget the rest of my life. Though the evening didn’t proceed as I had imagined, hoped, and dreamed it would…..I later realized that this beautiful night wasn’t about *that.* It was about getting that second chance to experience magic resulting from the embers of a great fire.
This night was about realizing that the embers of a fire have the potential to do more than destroy—they have this way of giving you another opportunity to live out moments in life you didn’t take the opportunity to before—and to appreciate how quickly life passes by when you don’t take chances and get out there and do it up right….you miss out on some of the most phenomenal and brilliant experiences life has to offer. I know that I will remember this guy for the gift he gave me that night—the gift of appreciating “being in the moment” and taking in every sense……everything about my surroundings….his beauty, the thick sweet voice, passionate soul, and my wonderful loving new friends…..See, that night was about what life “is” when you just take the time to put all the ugly destructive stuff off to the side and really see the beautiful peaceful clearing ahead….taking one step at a time…..taking a chance and realizing your dreams can come true just as much as anyone else’s. Someday…I hope I can thank the “star quarterback” that was at my side for that evening— for fulfilling a dream and letting me swirl around in the warm sweetness of it all. I was the Homecoming and Prom Queen all in one night. Who gets a second chance like that? (Smile) I did……………
NURSEINTERUPTED 
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